Mother Mary

I think about Mother Mary a lot – and even more at this time of year.

When the angel came to her, she did not argue, but in her humanity, she asked,

“How shall this be?”

Without judgment or condemnation, the angel pointed to her cousin Elisabeth –

Older. Barren. Forgotten hope that was now moving in her body.

This was a living testimony which breathed proof into Mary’s humanity.

Maybe that is exactly what God does for us now.

Placing miracles near the places that ache the most.

Just close enough for us to see, or hear about.

Just loud enough to disrupt the fears, the worries, that torment our hearts with doubt.

It’s too easy for me to resent it – seeing others receive what I have wept so intensely for in my secret darkness.

But perhaps, their blessing is not a comparison, or competition.

Perhaps it is a prophecy.

Perhaps it is a reminder of what God can do –

Even when I cannot imagine it any longer, or ask for it anymore.

Yes, my humanity is all too real, too heavy.

I am tired of waiting.

My fear is the mountain.

My faith is just a tiny mustard seed.

God is nudging me, softly and gently, to simply trust Him.

To surrender my humanity into His understanding.

He’s asking me to remember Elisabeth – and how that barren prayers fill with life.

And to remember that He is near, He is God.

And He is possible in the face of impossibility.

I hope that maybe when my hands are shaking, and my voice is cracking, that He will have someone look at me the way Mary looked at Elisabeth –

With awe

With relief

With rekindled faith –

And whisper,

“Because you said yes. Because you held on. Because you did not let fear have the last word. Me, too.”

Lord, with my trembling, in the midst of living with this grief, in the hollow echo of prayers not yet answered –

Remind me of the Elisabeths in my life.

Surround me with that living proof in humanity – that YOU are here.

And when my time comes, may my life be the reassurance You give to another trembling heart so that they too can say, “Yes Lord, here am I. Let it be.”